I was waiting in line, and I saw on Enquirer magazine's cover, there's Johnny Carson on the front page. And there was a picture of him like this (miserable). Then I said, "What's up with Johnny?" I turned to the inside story and his wife was on the other page and she was like this (exuberant). And over her head it said, "Johnny's wife wants half Johnny's money."

I turned that shit back to Johnny. Then I started thinking about it.

Half.

If you... If you have $5.00 and had to give somebody $2.50, you'd be upset. Johnny had to have at least $300 million. And have to give up $150 million? And they wasn't even married but ten years. And $150 million? Give me a fucking break. And ladies... Now, here's a woman right here saying, "Right on." Not no $150 million.

I see a lot of you ladies going: "Get all the money you can, shit. I'm glad she did get all that money. She earned it. She was married to him, she deserved that money."

Get the fuck out of my face with that bullshit. No. Stop it.

Don't get me wrong. If you marry somebody and neither one of you have anything and you build $300 million together, you deserve half. But Johnny was $300 million in when they met. And I'm quite sure she knew. Johnny says, "Hey, I'm Johnny." She was like, "I know who you are, motherfucker." And they got married, broke up, shit didn't work out. And then he had to give her $150 million of his money.

I know a lot of housewives sitting out there going: "You can't put a price on what I do." But, ladies, if you marry a man with $300 million, you ain't no regular housewife. You ain't got to clean the house no more. You get a maid. You ain't cleaning shit! You marry a man with $300 million, you ain't cooking. You're eating out. You marry... You know how a lot of housewives gotta get jobs on the side to help make ends meet? He got $300 million, the ends are meeting like a motherfucker.

What you gonna do, get a job at a boutique on the weekends and shit? And say, "Here, Johnny. I made $70 put that with the rest. Now we have $300 million and seventy. Because I want to do my share." All you have to do, you marry a man with $300 million, is fuck your husband. That's it! That's your job. Fuck your husband! You fill out a W-2 they say, "What you do?" You say, "I fuck my husband."

Now, I've had my share of pussy. I have yet... even if the pussy was great, and sparks shot out the woman's ass, and cannons blared and the mountains crumbled and the seas roared, no pussy is worth $150 million! I'd like to meet some pussy like that.