A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how
many kinds of boobies are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of
breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round
and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still
nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum,
how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes
through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak
tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch,
flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas
tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."