حدثت التحذيرات التالية:
Warning [2] Undefined variable $newpmmsg - Line: 24 - File: global.php(958) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/global.php 958 eval
/showthread.php 28 require_once
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/global.php 961 eval
/showthread.php 28 require_once
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/global.php(961) : eval()'d code 28 errorHandler->error_callback
/global.php 961 eval
/showthread.php 28 require_once
Warning [2] Undefined property: MyLanguage::$bottomlinks_returncontent - Line: 6 - File: global.php(1070) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/global.php 1070 eval
/showthread.php 28 require_once
Warning [2] Undefined variable $jumpsel - Line: 5 - File: inc/functions.php(3442) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/functions.php(3442) : eval()'d code 5 errorHandler->error_callback
/inc/functions.php 3442 eval
/showthread.php 673 build_forum_jump
Warning [2] Trying to access array offset on value of type null - Line: 5 - File: inc/functions.php(3442) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/functions.php 3442 eval
/showthread.php 673 build_forum_jump
Warning [2] Undefined property: MyLanguage::$forumjump_select - Line: 5 - File: inc/functions.php(3442) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/functions.php 3442 eval
/showthread.php 673 build_forum_jump
Warning [2] Undefined variable $avatar_width_height - Line: 2 - File: inc/functions_post.php(344) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/functions_post.php(344) : eval()'d code 2 errorHandler->error_callback
/inc/functions_post.php 344 eval
/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumrcvtyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
/inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php 601 errorHandler->error_callback
/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
/inc/functions_post.php 898 pluginSystem->run_hooks
/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumptyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php 601 errorHandler->error_callback
/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
/inc/functions_post.php 898 pluginSystem->run_hooks
/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumtyls" - Line: 602 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
/inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php 602 errorHandler->error_callback
/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
/inc/functions_post.php 898 pluginSystem->run_hooks
/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "posttime" - Line: 33 - File: inc/functions_post.php(947) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/functions_post.php(947) : eval()'d code 33 errorHandler->error_callback
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Warning [2] Undefined variable $avatar_width_height - Line: 2 - File: inc/functions_post.php(344) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
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/inc/functions_post.php 344 eval
/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumrcvtyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
/inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php 601 errorHandler->error_callback
/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
/inc/functions_post.php 898 pluginSystem->run_hooks
/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumptyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
/inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php 601 errorHandler->error_callback
/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
/inc/functions_post.php 898 pluginSystem->run_hooks
/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumtyls" - Line: 602 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
/inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php 602 errorHandler->error_callback
/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
/inc/functions_post.php 898 pluginSystem->run_hooks
/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "posttime" - Line: 33 - File: inc/functions_post.php(947) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined variable $avatar_width_height - Line: 2 - File: inc/functions_post.php(344) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/functions_post.php 344 eval
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumrcvtyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
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/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumptyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
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/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
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/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumtyls" - Line: 602 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
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/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "posttime" - Line: 33 - File: inc/functions_post.php(947) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined variable $avatar_width_height - Line: 2 - File: inc/functions_post.php(344) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
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/inc/functions_post.php 344 eval
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumrcvtyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
/inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php 601 errorHandler->error_callback
/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
/inc/functions_post.php 898 pluginSystem->run_hooks
/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumptyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumtyls" - Line: 602 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "posttime" - Line: 33 - File: inc/functions_post.php(947) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined variable $avatar_width_height - Line: 2 - File: inc/functions_post.php(344) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumrcvtyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumptyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumtyls" - Line: 602 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "posttime" - Line: 33 - File: inc/functions_post.php(947) : eval()'d code PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumrcvtyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumptyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumrcvtyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_plugins.php 142 thankyoulike_postbit
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/showthread.php 1121 build_postbit
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumrcvtyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumptyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumtyls" - Line: 602 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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Warning [2] Undefined array key "tyl_unumrcvtyls" - Line: 601 - File: inc/plugins/thankyoulike.php PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.19 (Linux)
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/inc/class_error.php 153 errorHandler->error
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{myadvertisements[zone_1]}
 
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مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
البسام غير متصل
عضو مشارك
**

المشاركات: 9
الانضمام: Sep 2004
مشاركة: #241
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
بهاء هذه ستعجبك....
ذهب احدهم الى الطبيب وكان يشكو امساكآ حادآ.
نظر اليه الطبيب نظرة العارف بخفاياالأمور وقال له لا تقلق ستذهب
رأسآ الى غرفة الحمام في بيتك لكي تفرغ كل ما يثقل بطنك الآن.
كيف يكون ذلك ؟سأله المريض.
تناول الطبيب احد العقاقير بيد وكوب صغير باليد الثانية فصار يسأل المريض :
كم يبعد المبنى الذي تسكن فيه عن عيادتي هذه؟
ـ ثلاثة كيلومترات .
كال الطبيب بضع نقاط في الكوب.
ـ في أي طابق من المبنى تسكن؟
ـ الثاني.أجاب لمريض.
أضاف الطبيب بضع نقاط الى الكوب.
ـ كم يبعد الحمام عن عن باب شقتك؟
ـ سبعة أمتار.أجاب المريض.
اضاف الطبيب بضع نقاط الى الكوب.
ـ كم يبعد مقعد الحمام عن باب الحمام؟
ـ مترين.أجاب المريض.
أضاف الطبيب بضع نقاط الى الكوب وقال الى ا لمريض أشرب محتوى هذا الكوب واذهب فورآ الى حمامك من هنا. ستجلس على مقعد الحمام وسيصبح إمساكك في خبر كان.
شرب المريض الدوء من يد الطبيب وأسرع يمشي إلى حمامه كما قال له.
بعد بضع دقائق إتصل المريض بالطبيب ليقول له:
ـ إسمح لي يا سيدي أن اهنئك فأنت طبيب ماهر حقآ ولكن انت مهندس فاشل جدآ.فقد فعلتها بثيابي قبل أن أصل الى الحمام بسبعة أمتار.
01-06-2007, 07:48 AM
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Gudjohensen غير متصل
عضو متقدم
****

المشاركات: 344
الانضمام: Jul 2005
مشاركة: #242
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
[CENTER]بينما القطار يشق طريقه متوجها الى فرنسا

كان يجلس فى داخله أربعة أفراد متقابلين : " أمريكي وشامي وفتاة وامرأة عجوز " ...، دخل القطار فى نفق مظلم فسمع الركاب صوت قبله ... ثم تلاها صوت صفعة على الوجه.

فلما خرج القطار من النفق شوهد الامريكى يحك خده وقد احمر ...، فدار هذا الحوار :

قالت العجوز فى نفسها : يالها من فتاة أبية قبلها الامريكي فصفعته على وجهه

وقالت الفتاة فى نفسها : ياله من امريكي غبي ... يتركنى انا ويقبل هذه العجوز

وقال الامريكي فى نفسه : ياله من شامي محظوظ ... يقبل الفتاة واتلقى انا الصفعة

وقال الشامي فى نفسه : يالي من شامي ذكي ... قبلت يدي ثم صفعت الامريكي

:lol2:[/CENTER]
01-07-2007, 04:15 PM
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-ليلى- غير متصل
عضو رائد
*****

المشاركات: 3,167
الانضمام: Feb 2005
مشاركة: #243
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
Gudjohensen(f)

[CENTER]اختبار عامل قطار


كان أحد الشباب في اختبار لاختيار عامل تشغيل الإشارة بالسكة الحديد ودار هذا الحوار
**********
الممتحن: ماذا تفعل إذا وجدت قطارين مواجهان لبعضهما على نفس الخط؟
الشاب: سأحول خط سير أحدهما لخط آخر

الممتحن: وماذا ستفعل إذا اكتشفت ان عصا التحويل مكسورة؟
الشاب: سأكلم محطة الإشارة التالية ليقومو بالتحويل من عندهم

الممتحن: وماذا ستفعل إذا وجدت جهاز الإشارة تالفاً؟
الشاب: سأتصل بالطوارئ ليسارعوا لإنقاذ الموقف

الممتحن: وماذا ستفعل إذا كان خط الطوارئ مشغولاً؟
الشاب: سأجري على قريتي وانادي أهلي كلهم

استغرب الممتحن لهذه الإجابة وقال: ولماذا ستنادي أهلك؟
الشاب: لأن أهلي لم يشاهدوا حادث قطار من قبل[/CENTER]
01-12-2007, 09:20 AM
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حمدي غير متصل
عضو رائد
*****

المشاركات: 774
الانضمام: Jul 2003
مشاركة: #244
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
في اختبار القبول للشرطة، سئل المرشح هذا السؤال:
ماذا تفعل إذا واجهت هذا الموقف: رأيت رجلا يخطف حقيبة سيدة ويجري هاربا، وقبل أن تلحق به سمعت صوت اصطدام سيارتين ببعض، التف لترى الحادث فلاحظت أن حريقا يندلع في الدور الأعلى لإحدى العمائر القريبة .... و .. و...
كتب المرشح في إجابته:
أخلع البزة الرسمية وأندس بين الجمهور
01-12-2007, 04:08 PM
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Gudjohensen غير متصل
عضو متقدم
****

المشاركات: 344
الانضمام: Jul 2005
مشاركة: #245
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
[CENTER]Layla (f) (f)[/CENTER]
01-19-2007, 05:50 PM
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عضو متقدم
****

المشاركات: 344
الانضمام: Jul 2005
مشاركة: #246
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
[CENTER]A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company
training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes
her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what
would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the
airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my
present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait
for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"


Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are far
too intelligent! [/CENTER]
01-20-2007, 10:13 AM
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Charactos غير متصل
عضو متقدم
****

المشاركات: 357
الانضمام: Mar 2006
مشاركة: #247
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the towns people were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said," Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
01-22-2007, 05:30 AM
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Mr.Glory غير متصل
عضو متقدم
****

المشاركات: 484
الانضمام: Jul 2005
مشاركة: #248
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
1) Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know?"
Girl replied "Last night when we made love, his cock was
still in plastic cover."

2) Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok
now. You got nice house."

3) After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Thai Girl replied: "No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."

4) Women's lives are hard. Morning wash clothes. Noon hang clothes.
Evening keep clothes. Nite iron clothes.
Midnight take off clothes. After midnight find clothes.

5) To make it straight she pulls it. To make it stand she
rubs it.
To make it stiff she licks it. To let it in she pushes it. True?
Threading a needle is not easy.

6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.

7) A Sad story. A woman's husband died & she had him
cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said
" Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."

8) Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl you will get one."
Girl: "But mom what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many!"

9) A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you
take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties."

10) Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education
class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be
Oral."

11) Two sperms talking on mobile.
Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus.
Are you close by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."

12) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing
in the world is a PENIS.
This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple
thought.
02-06-2007, 12:02 AM
زيارة موقع العضو عرض جميع مشاركات هذا العضو إقتباس هذه الرسالة في الرد
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Gudjohensen غير متصل
عضو متقدم
****

المشاركات: 344
الانضمام: Jul 2005
مشاركة: #249
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
[CENTER]غلوري (f)

:no2: -18 :no2:

سؤال لكم في الفيزياء النووية :idea:

ماذا يحدث لو استطاع أحدهم الركض حول ملعب كرة قدم بسرعة الضوء؟


















الجواب: ي ن ي ك حاله

عذراً :D[/CENTER]
02-06-2007, 11:57 PM
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Gudjohensen غير متصل
عضو متقدم
****

المشاركات: 344
الانضمام: Jul 2005
مشاركة: #250
مقهى النكت... ادلو دلوك
[CENTER]:wr:[/CENTER]
02-07-2007, 10:31 PM
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المواضيع المحتمل أن تكون متشابهة…
الموضوع الكاتب الردود المشاهدات آخر رد
  في مقهى بن جدو بسام الخوري 0 1,321 05-07-2011, 01:26 PM
آخر رد: بسام الخوري

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